New Year New You Prompts 2 and 3 [Part 2]

Actual *actual* goals

Okay, as much as meditation will help me get out of the black hole and help me keep on track, I will need  to have a few things to aim for.

This year is a landmark year for me. I will be graduating in 6 months time and will need to get back home. From what I have been told, it will be difficult to get a job in the field I specialise in without a Ph.D., and I am not sure I want to continue with it anyway. So goals:

Thesis writing:
For the first month
1) I aim to write 100 - 300 words per day (start next week)
2) I aim to do at most 2 hours of reading (start next week)

I have a nasty habit of leaving things to the last minute, not something you can do with a thesis. So I plan to do this as early as possible in day - after I wake up. I get Wednesdays off and the weekend. If the words 'oh I can do it later, I have plenty of time' that is a signal for me to now it *now*.

Magical work
1) Sweetening my supervisor and the administration (start tomorrow)
2) Mantra to Ganesha for support (tonight)
3) Start collecting ingrediants for a study support mojo hand (tonight)
4) Create Crown of Success/King Solomon's wisdom vigil light (tomorrow)

Debt
Like most I have accumulate a bit of debt.
1) Finish bank stuff (tonight/tomorrow)
2) Appply for one of those top-up credit cards (10th January)
3) Start mapping out ideas for secondary stream of income - selling divinations/magickal products etc. (within two weeks)
4) Create a budget and stick to it (within three weeks)
5) Sell something to three customers

Magical Work
1) Ask Genius to provide help with this
2) Gather dirt from bank to work with
3) Experimenting with a few techniques gathered from Strategic Sorcery course - the Information/Causal/Etheric level
4) Invoke Sachiel/Jophiel/Hismael and ask them for assistance - inspiration for secondary income/wheels to turn in the bank
5) Invoke a couple of the Archangels from the Mansions of the Moon to help with business ideas

New Year, New You - Prompts 2 and 3 [Part 1]

The most difficult thing I am facing when writing this post is challenging the idea that things could be better than they are, more specifically that *I* can be better than I am and I have the resources and capability to do so.

This is one of the symptoms of depression. It is a rotten, rotten liar. Of course I can get better, the situation can be better, but the question is how to do so.

Meditation.

Oh how I loathe meditation! Sitting down and being quiet and realising just how my brain picks up patterns to distract me is very tedious because it feels like constant failing and an absolute waste of time.

However, there was a time when I was more disciplined in my meditation, I learnt to feel when my jerk brain was rebelling and started to create anxiety and fear over little things that it just didn't want to do.

Sometimes I would get anxious answering an e-mail from University or going into the bank. Before realising that this was just my jerk brain rebelling, I would procrastinate, but when I realised that the fear was just an illusion of sorts and that I would not be harmed from facing, it became a prompt. I knew when I was feeling anxious it meant that it was something I could do that my brain didn't want to do, it wanted to distract me instead.

For many reasons, big and little, my practice got waylaid and I forgot this key insight - I slowly stopped applying it to my daily life and things - anxiety and depression - took over.

So my main goal is getting back to meditation, slowing down and courting the silence within. This is going to be key to sorting out my health, creating financial discipline (knowing when I am spending because I need something versus spending to make me happy) and helping me to become a better sorceress/witch/Girl Who Does Shit.

It is also something reasonable I can achive, if things seem big and scary I can at least sit down and close my eyes and chant IAO to myself for 5 minutes. As much as I may drag my feet to get there.


Continued in Part 2.

First Prompt: On the uses of Van Van and Gates

So Deb put her first prompt up today for the NY NY project. Now I have to admit I have been thinking about goals and things I would like to aspire to and I all I can come up with is: 'stop feeling ick' - which is brilliant in terms of its specificity and it's measurable *snort* however it does gain points on it's being relatively attainable and realistic (sort of). You can't start building houses if all you have is sand and mud as the foundations.

So to stop feeling ick, it is tme to start with the small stuff:

I already have a head start in terms of having tidied my room, but it has been about a month and a 1/2 since I did a proper cleaning out. So here is what I plan to do:

1) Stele of Jeu/calling on Agathodaimon/asking the Logos to shine the light upon me and my space to cleanse it from unwanted and corrupting energies

    * The whole 'make all spirits subject unto me' bit can help me in shoving out the unwanted energies/spirits/larvae and what not lurking about

2) Solar work - opening a solar vortex (AND CLOSING IT AFTERWARDS)

(using something inspired from FR RO's Astral Warriors Handbook)

    *  This is the equivalent of opening the curtains and watching all the cockroaches and rats scuttle away

3) Saturn work - defining the boundaries

    * Now the solar work will only chuck stuff out, using Saturn work will help define the boundaries between what's in and what's out.

4) I then use sea salt, Uncrossing Oil, Van Van Oil,  Basil and Hyssop and put them in a small pot, pour boiling water over them and start cleaning the walls/windows/doors from the back of the room/house to the front. Whilst doing this I chant something as I am cleaning out - psalm 23 is always a good one

5) Propriating - making offerings and inviting the right things back in

    * I generally then use frankincense oil and a candle and make an offering to the protective spirits/ancestors/Hecate and generally make peace with all and any

On the decluttering:

I have to admit, when I first heard that my first instinct was like 'No! I can't do that! What if I *need* something?' and now after much thought...it's still like that. Although admittedly I can think of a few things - clothes that don't fit and I don't wear - that I would not mind parting with. But when it comes to books... they're my precious.

However, a valient effort will be made to make some progress on the decluttering.

On Time Management

Gosh - my time is being eaten up by so many other things that I am using to distract myself and my work is suffering for it. Not only does am I distracting myself from my grief, but part of me rebels against my work - it isn't what I want to do and I cannot get out of it yet. If I am honest I am scared to do what I - there are so many expectations upon me. But what I do spend my time on does nourish me (it just isn't what I'm suppose to be doing)

On Rocks

I am currently dealing with ongoing grief, stress, anger channeled inward and a bad bout of seasonal depression. So yes, I am clinging to a few rocks. I am does planning on doing some ongoing Jupiter and Venusian work to relieve the worst of it. My morning practice is now including a mantra to Lord Ganesh which has really had a positive effect on my mood.

Devil's Snare

"Devil's Snare, Devil's Snare... What did Professor Sprout say? It likes the dark and the damp-"
"So light a fire!" Harry choked.
"Yes - of course - but there's no wood!" Hermione cried, wringing her hands.
"HAVE YOU GONE MAD?" Ron bellowed. "ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?"

 -Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone

Throughout this year I have had to keep reminding myself of this quote. You catch me, dear reader, in he midst of a crisis - familial, financial, emotional, physical etc. A crisis that began almost a year ago this month and has progressively become more...complicated... as this year went on. As Deb so aptly wrote '[...]when you feel so weighed down with emotions better left to glittery and not so glittery vampires and when you feel like you could sleep forever' seems to describe my current frame of mind.

However I am, for lack of a better term, a magickworker and so I should be able to rouse myself this from this pity-party-for-one and start damn well doing my job and clean up the mess, no mater how daunting this may seem.

So  Deb's competition of sorts could not have come about at a better time. I have had a past experience littered with failed blogs, but this has prompted me to do the terrible, scary thing and *write*. At least with the prompt of documenting my year of using magick to improve my life and the life of those around me means I have theme I can keep to and I have the luxury of not worrying so much about what people think about my writing, because I am keeping experiment notes. For Science! *Ahem*

*Sound of gauntlet being thrown down*

Let the transformation begin!